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“How Many Genders Are There — And Why Does Talking About The Spectrum Of Identity Matter So Much? - YourTango” plus 2 more

“How Many Genders Are There — And Why Does Talking About The Spectrum Of Identity Matter So Much? - YourTango” plus 2 more


How Many Genders Are There — And Why Does Talking About The Spectrum Of Identity Matter So Much? - YourTango

Posted: 26 May 2019 08:22 AM PDT

Lack of representation in the media doesn't mean you're not normal.

A person's identity is so much more than a name scribbled on a 'Hello My Name Is ...' sticker tag.

We are each complex beings made up of our histories, emotions, desires and values, and defined by our gender identity, sexual orientation and gender expression.

Conversations around the spectrum of gender and human sexuality are evolving.

It's becoming more common to see the option of "other" or "preferred" as choices when selecting gender and pronouns on registration forms.

To many of us in the LGBTQIA+ community, asking about our preferences — really, asking who we are — feels refreshing, even hopeful. It makes us feel respected and seen.

But for others, it raises some big questions. How can you prefer something other than male or female?

How many genders are there?

There's only one good answer to the question of how many genders there are: Gender is a spectrum, and there are as many gender definitions as there needs to for every person to have a label that feels true to themselves.

RELATED: What It Means To Be Genderfluid Or Non-Binary (As Written By Someone Who Is)

Maybe that's confusing. Let me explain.

These three distinct and independent pieces of who we are — gender identity, sexual orientation and gender expression — depend on each other; they weave in and out, touching and layering on themselves to form a complete identity.

Photo credit: The Trevor Project

How do we proudly display all of our components in safe and meaningful ways to strangers if there isn't room to include more than a name?

We do it by making room in our society for identities that do not follow the heteronormative assumptions of what is "normal".

This may mean that we need to get a little uncomfortable while we learn about people and terms that are new or confusing.

Think of the sense of self as a spectrum with unlimited possibilities.

The first thing we either attach to or reject is our gender identity — that sense of being male, female, neither, or both.

When humans are born, they are given a gender assignment based on sexual anatomy. That assignment is usually limited to only two genders: male or female.

Even babies who are born intersex, "a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn't seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male", are given a gender assignment with the assumption that one needs a binary label.

But the label is just a suggestion, because sexual anatomy (traditionally used to define "sex" in terms of identification) does not equal gender, and gender is not limited to meaning only one or the other.

Gender is not the binary constraint of being a man or woman, boy or girl.

So while I can't tell you how many genders there are, there definitely are more than two.

RELATED: What Is Gender Dysphoria, And Why Is It Different From Being Transgender?

It might help if you understand a little about my personal history.

Based on my anatomy, I was assigned female as my sex at birth. But since I was a kid, I knew I wasn't just a girl. And as I got older, I knew I wasn't a boy, either. I am both.

Once I discovered the language for this, I knew the word to describe me is nonbinary.

I can't be placed into a box of being either male or female, though trust me, it would be easier to do this at times.

The world is not a kind place for those of us who know one of the key components of our identity is a gender many people and organizations do not recognize.

So, how do I know what my gender is?

Well, how do you know you are male? Or female? You just know — I do, too.

On most days I feel like a perfect mix of being both male and female; it's a grounded feeling of knowing I am a hybrid of two genders.

On other days, I don't feel overly connected to any gender. I am just me, but male pronouns are not right and female pronouns hurt.

Because of this, I use they/them pronouns.

There are other options for gender neutral and inclusive pronouns, and it's anyone's right to use what feels most comfortable.

Photo credit: UWM Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Resource Center

RELATED: Why Fewer People Are Officially Coming Out As LGBTQIA+

While it may seem confusing at first, you don't have to "get it" to respect it.

In some countries and cultures, the people who know they are neither completely male or female are celebrated. In the United States, it's hard for people to even get my pronouns correct, so I am not expecting mass celebrations.

Here is a list of some other important gender terms and definitions:

1. Genderfluid or Genderqueer

Some folks who don't identify as either male or female may call themselves genderfluid or genderqueer.

A genderfluid person is someone who feels male one day, maybe one hour, and female the next. Their gender fluctuates, but what's consistent is that they are not always one or the other.

Genderqueer folks may identify as neither or both male and female, much like a nonbinary person, and their gender expression may fluctuate, breaking stereotypical gender expressions of what it means to be masculine or feminine.

2. Transgender

If your gender assignment at birth does not match your gender identity, you are transgender, sometimes abbreviated to "trans".

My gender assignment at birth does not match my gender identity, so this makes me transgender, and my gender identity is nonbinary.

3. Cisgender

If your gender assignment at birth does align with your gender identity, then you are cisgender, sometimes abbreviated to "cis".

Being referred to by this label is not an insult; it's simply a way to describe the fact that your assigned gender matches your true identity.

Note that the words transgender and cisgender are adjectives, not good or bad, just descriptors of gender.

Many transgender people still fall into the binary of being male or female. For example, a woman who was assigned male at birth based on anatomy knows she is a woman because of that inner sense of self. Therefore, she is a transgender woman.

4. Gender expression

Our gender expression is how we want to show the world who we are.

As long as it doesn't hurt anyone, we all have the right to do what makes us most comfortable and happy. This includes what we wear, how we style our hair, if we wear makeup or jewelry, the names and pronouns we wanted to be called and how we accessorize any other external aspects of ourselves.

While I am not male, I express myself in a masculine way. I consider myself trans masculine, even androgynous at times. Others express themselves in more feminine or femme ways; all genders can consider themselves masculine, feminine, neither or both.

5. Gender nonconforming

Some expressions, like a man wearing dresses, is considered gender nonconforming.

For example, a person might identify as being a female, but describe her gender expression as masculine.

RELATED: What You Need To Know About Pansexuality (According To Someone Who Identifies As Pansexual)

The important thing to remember is that there isn't one way or a right way to be a man, woman, or nonbinary person.

It's a bummer to feel like we are constantly compared to what many think is the "normal" way men and women and male and female-bodied people should present themselves.

Just because I am not represented in the media, movies, or books, that doesn't mean I am not normal.

I am unique, perhaps. I am part of a minority. But I am normal and want pretty normal things in life and from others.

I want respect, kindness, and happiness. I want to feel safe and loved (because I fall in love, too).

My sexuality is an important part of who I am because it attracts people who see me for who I am. And for me, I want to find intimacy in vulnerable places with people who don't question my identity.

The world can be pretty lonely for folks like me who are considered outliers.

What makes me feel most at home and sure of myself can make others feel uncomfortable.

My sense of self includes a gender outside of the binary, but my need for acceptance and compassion falls well within the range of deserved human decency.

What I really want is to feel more comfortable, and that can start with you.

Let go of assumptions and trust that the person you are talking to knows themself better than what you think you know about them based on stereotypes and heteronormative thinking.

And when you add your name to that 'Hello My Name Is ...' sticker, add your pronouns, too.

It shows that you don't want anyone making assumptions about you and that you are happy to acknowledge any and all pronouns of the people who may be in your presence.

Hi, my name is Amber. I use they/them pronouns. I am a person who deserves kindness and respect.

There's a lot to who I am.

For instance, I like tacos and books and I want good coffee and great friends.

And when we meet, I want to know what pronouns you use because I want you to feel good, too, while we search for the nearest library or taco truck together.

RELATED: I'm Not Male Or Female: What It's Like To Live Life Genderfluid

Amber Leventry is a queer, nonbinary writer and advocate. They have three kids, including twins and a transgender daughter. Amber's writing appears on The Washington Post, Ravishly, Longreads, PopSugar, and The Temper, and they are a staff writer for Scary Mommy. Follow Amber Leventry on Twitter and Instagram and visit their website for information on speaking engagements and LGBTQ training sessions.

Taylor Swift’s jacket is covered with clues about her new album - Page Six

Posted: 10 May 2019 12:00 AM PDT

Taylor Swift on the cover of Entertainment Weekly
Taylor Swift on the cover of Entertainment WeeklyPeggy Sirota/Entertainment Weekly

Taylor Swift sure loves to press her fans' buttons.

On the new cover of Entertainment Weekly, the 29-year-old pop star poses in a denim jacket covered in over two dozen colorful pins, each of which holds a clue about her upcoming seventh studio album. ("Each of Taylor's buttons is an Easter egg!" one cover line reads.)

Swift is famous for dropping cryptic hints about her upcoming projects, and often uses her style to lead Swifties on scavenger hunts of sorts. "Easter eggs can be left on clothing or jewelry," she explained in a video accompanying her cover. "This is one of my favorite ways to do this, because you wear something that foreshadows something else, and people don't really usually find out this one immediately. But they know you're probably sending a message — they'll figure it out in time."

At the 2013 Billboard Music Awards, for instance, Swift performed in a "Haters Gonna Hate" T-shirt; over a year later, she released her single "Shake It Off," which prominently featured that very lyric. And in late 2011, almost a full year before the release of her album "Red," the Grammy winner shared a photo of her scarlet shoes on Instagram.

So although Swift hasn't yet shared the title or release date of her next album, perhaps it really is her collection of pins that holds all the clues. Below, a guide to what each of those pop culture-themed buttons might mean.

Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift onstage together in 2018
Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift onstage together in 2018Getty Images

Selena Gomez

A longtime friend of Swift's, Gomez has made several onstage cameos during the singer's tours, is often spotted by her side at awards shows and even appeared in her 2015 music video for "Bad Blood." However, the two have never recorded together; could that be changing soon?

The Dixie Chicks

The country group scored a shoutout in Swift's new music video for "ME!" — and according to the singer, "Chicks stans never unstan." Might there be a musical collaboration on the way?

Faith Hill

Back in 2006, the singer released her very first single "Tim McGraw," inspired by Hill's husband; the couple joined Swift onstage at her "Reputation" tour stop in Nashville to sing it along with her.

Troye Sivan

Another one of Swift's "Reputation" tour guests, Sivan surprised the crowd to perform his hit "My My My!"

Taylor Swift and Drake at the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards
Taylor Swift and Drake at the 2013 MTV Video Music AwardsJeff Kravitz

Drake

Could Swift's "Hotline Bling" button point to a future collaboration with the rapper? "I love his one-liners," she said in her EW interview. "Like 'You say I led you on/But you followed me.' Or 'This a Rollie, not a stopwatch/It don't ever stop.'"

Swift also attended Drake's 30th birthday party in 2016, and the two even briefly sparked dating rumors; that same year, the "Blank Space" singer also starred in an Apple Music ad set to Drake and Future's "Jumpman."

"Friends" cast

Swift is a noted fan of the beloved NBC sitcom, and even invited stars Matt LeBlanc and Lisa Kudrow onstage during her "1989" world tour. Could a cover of "Smelly Cat" have made it onto Swift's new album? Anything's possible!

"Game of Thrones"

Arya, Sansa and Daenerys are all represented in Swift's mix of pins, as is a tiny dragon. The pop star's pal Ed Sheeran has already snagged a "GoT" cameo; could the "Delicate" singer be next?

"Grey's Anatomy"

Swift famously adores this series, even naming one of her cats after lead character Dr. Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo), who appears on one of the buttons alongside Sandra Oh's character, Dr. Cristina Yang. Another of Swift's pins is an anatomical heart that reads "You're my person," an iconic line from the medical drama.

Taylor Swift and Mariska Hargitay onstage in 2015
Taylor Swift and Mariska Hargitay onstage in 2015Dimitrios Kambouris/LP5

"Law & Order: SVU"

The name of Swift's second cat? Olivia Benson, after Mariska Hargitay's crime-solving heroine. After Swift's 2017 court victory, she donated to the "SVU" star's foundation for sexual assault survivors. Hargitay (along with Pompeo) also appeared in the "Bad Blood" video, so perhaps another team-up is in store. Dun, dun!

"Cats"

Swift will appear as Bombalurina in the forthcoming film adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical, which also stars Jennifer Hudson and Idris Elba. The film hits theaters on December 20. Pins of the "Style" singer's own felines, the aforementioned Meredith and Olivia, can also be spotted on her jacket.

Mister Rogers

Some fans have speculated that Swift's upcoming album might be titled "Home." Could her decision to place a pin of the beloved "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood" host in the mix be a hint?

"Awesome" and "Calm"

These are both references to Swift's single "ME!"; she sings "You can't spell 'awesome' without 'me'" in one line, and yells "Je suis calme!" ("I am calm!") in the opening scene of the music video.

"I tried" tombstone

"I'm sorry, the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, 'cause she's dead!" Swift memorably mocked her own death in the lyrics and video for "Look What You Made Me Do," singing, "I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time" and even clawing her way out of her own grave in the opening scene. Could this pin signify that while she tried to bury her old persona, she just couldn't do it? Quite possibly.

Pastel palette

The pin shaped like an artist's palette covered with pastel hearts fits in perfectly with Swift's new, softer style.

Pride heart

Swift made her support of the LGBTQ crystal clear in an Instagram post she shared back in October, before the midterm elections. "I believe in the fight for LGBTQ rights, and that any form of discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender is WRONG," she write. "I cannot vote for someone who will not be willing to fight for dignity for ALL Americans, no matter their skin color, gender or who they love."

In April, she donated $113,000 to the Tennessee Equality Project to help the organization fight the so-called "Slate of Hate," a handful of bills targeting LGBTQ individuals.

"Track 5"

It's a running joke amongst diehard Swifties that the fifth track on each of the singer's albums is typically the most emotional of the lot. See: "White Horse," "Dear John," "All Too Well" and "Delicate."

'Relatively Speaking' Is a 'Rather Delicious' Farce - Houstonia Magazine

Posted: 06 May 2019 12:00 AM PDT

With a winning combination of wit and irony, Relatively Speaking is an Alan Ayckbourn comedy set in London and Buckinghamshire, dramatizing the interactions among four characters of different generations, all caught up in farcical miscommunications.

Main Street's production, directed by Rebecca Greene Udden, is a fun romp that makes fun of the swinging '60s and its loosened sexual mores. Liz Freese's set design—both of a twenty-something's London flat and a lovely country house—is wonderful. I loved the hideous orange and pink wallpaper that decorates the flat, with its poster celebrating the 1966 film Alfie starring Michael Caine—itself a popular anatomy of casual sex in the 1960s. Add to that a poster of the 1966 Lynn Redgrave film Georgy Girl—about the innocent Georgina Parkin, who is pursued by both an older man and a young man—the perfect prop for a play that features a similar scenario.

I also loved the costumes. In no other decade have polyester, stripes, and white pleather held such hostage of our imagination. Bravo to Paige A. Willson for including the shoes that I am pretty sure my mother wore for the better part of the '60s, to the retro jewelry that has come back into style two or three times. I hate to admit that a play about the '60s is a period piece, but at least it is a fun period to dramatize.

In this four-person ensemble, we are lucky in that every character has his or her quirks, and it is a pleasure to watch all these actors work together. And they all do accents, and it is all believable, and the accents actually do work, and thank goodness, because this play could not be set anywhere else on earth other than mid-century England.

The play opens with Ginny (Lindsay Ehrhardt) and Greg (Blake Alexander Weir) in their flat. They are not married, but Greg proposes and hilarity ensues. Ginny apparently has a more experienced sexual past. There are mysterious phone calls, presents, even male slippers under her bed, so no wonder Greg is uncertain of her loyalty. What better than marriage to shut down the thrill of liberation?

Both actors are charmingly convincing as young lovers—and their little spats and Ginny's evasions create suspense, even though at first, I had no idea where this play was going. Then voila! Something happens! Part of the fun of this play is backtracking to the first part and putting together all the clues just like Hercule Poirot.

The second half of the play is set in the country, at the Buckinghamshire home of Philip (Thomas Prior) and Sheila (Kara Greenberg). Philip and Sheila seem bored with each other, and their little digs are delicious. It's not exactly Fawlty Towers, but sort of, and I loved their dialogue. They are bored with each other, but there's still a spark. Enter Greg as an unexpected luncheon guest, and then you are treated to several courses of witty exchanges and very funny misunderstandings that require really perfect comic timing. Everyone delivers in an engaging and entertaining way.

There are serious questions of identity and fidelity, but this is supposed to be funny, so these things are sort of satirized in a way that isn't cynical or nihilistic, but rather wonderful character development. One of the characters objects to "vacuous rigamarole" in the process of Ayckbourn revealing how duplicitous romantic partners can be, married or not. So yes, there is a lot of "rigamarole" in this show, but it is funny and certainly not vacuous. It is rather delicious.

But the main thing I want to say is that I was blown away by Kara Greenberg's performance as Shelia. I had seen her in other productions, but the parts were smaller. I am so glad that I was able to see her formidable talent front and center. Each line, each retort, each expression perfectly captures both the genre and the trajectory of this very British play. Cheers to such a winning and captivating performance—I can't wait to see what she is in next.

Thru May 26. Tickets from $10. Main Street Theater, 2540 Times Blvd. 713-524-6706. More info and tickets at mainstreettheater.com.

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